"Selling Point" by Crimsoncat

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Update 3/2/10: I'd like to send out an extra big THANK YOU to Obscure Guardian who was kind enough to nominate this story for March's "Anti-Romance" theme. I was born on 3/13 so this was a HUGE and very wonderful surprise for my birthday. Thank every one of you who has taken the time to read this story. I love you guys! X3

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of the Naruto fandom, and I do not make any money from these writings. Never have, never will. I also do not own you. You are your own person and this is a work of pure fiction and is not a reflection on your life or anyone else's.

Second shot at a lemon. 7,500 words including the end notes. BANG BANG BABY!

Reviews are not required because everybody is busy. You all have way better things to do with your lives then sit around and talk to me.

Reviews are loved because it shows you like this story enough to take time out of your day. Bonus points to anybody who catches spelling mistakes, plot holes, grammar errors, or the like and will tell me in the review. PLEASE DO! I love to fix things and tweaking my fiction makes me happy. ^__^

Thank you for your time. Enjoy the story.

It was three in the morning and someone was going to die.

It was the squeal of the door hinges rousted you from your slumber. The rain outside did little to cover up their noisy approach. Your heart pounded with each drop that splattered against the pane. Humid air blew through the open window, filling the room with an itchy, sticky feeling. With no air conditioning, the atmosphere was suffocating. As the intruder entered, you were totally focused upon his presence. Every breath, every step, every whisper of fabric sounded like a cannon blast. And now, the freak who had tried to crawl in bed with you was having his trachea crushed against the wall.

“All right, let’s try this again,” you murmured, right hand grinding his windpipe into the wooden paneling. Chakra coursed through your arm, giving it beast like strength. “Who sent you?”

A gurgle was his reply.

“What’s that?” you asked, cupping your ear mockingly. “I didn’t quite make out that response.”

The man coughed, his blood splattering onto your hand. You dropped him, taking pleasure in the hollow thump of his body as it hit the floor. Your bare heel ground into his chest, as you leaned over his face for a reply.

“Th…the man you... were with… stitches… mask…” he murmured, gasping for every word.


“Yeah…. Your brother… I paid him… sleep with you…”

Brother? This sick bastard thought Kakuzu was your brother?

Maybe it was beyond your perception, but you were under the impression that Kakuzu and you did not look even remotely related. Kakuzu appeared to be a child’s first attempt at sewing, and you, well… did not. You had neither his glowing green eyes nor his terrifying bearing. It was also, you thought, pretty clear that Kakuzu was much older than you. Obviously, the organ snatcher looked younger than his 91 years. However, to you he still seemed much too old to be your blood brother. How this guy labored under the impression that not only were you related, but that you would allow your older brother to sell you like meat at market was incredibly unapparent to you. With a shake of your head, you concluded he would just have to learn the hard way.

“Bet you regret that now, don’t-cha?” you sneered, plopping down on the dying man’s chest. You crossed your legs and focused on his eyes. There was an intense desire for you to see the last flicker of life before they went dull. He gasped, blood trickling out the corners of his mouth and down his cheeks. Then, the man spasmed violently.

You allowed your chakra to concentrate into your fingertips. Suddenly, you pointed them like a blade and shoved a hand straight into his body. He shrieked as flesh ripped and muscle tore. His body cavity was tight and warm all around you, reeking of iron. Fingernails scratched and scraped at his innards. You could feel bloody fat stuck underneath your nails. Your arm twisted inside him, snapping bones as you searched for your prize. Each snap, crackle and pop only served to drive you further into your twisted madness. [1/2] Finding your quarry, you smirked, eyes dancing with the impish delight.

“You should ask for a refund.”

With that, you tore out his beating heart.

On the way to Kakuzu’s room [1] you mused over your situation. With Hidan out performing a major annual rite for Jashin, Kakuzu and you had been sent out to capture a bounty. You had learned to deal with the mercenary, following his orders and staying alive. It was not hard if you swallowed most of your pride. Kakuzu had more brains that you and certainly was much crafter. More like Hidan, you favored brute force, amplifying your incredible strength via chakra. The tactics were simple, you bust in, create a scene, and Kakuzu nabbed the target. Were it not for his deranged temper, which, thankfully, you had managed to avoid, you would have made a fairly good team.

However, the ability to live through mortal wounds was a requirement of Kakuzu’s partnership that you could not fulfill. In truth, you could not wait to have Hidan come back just to get away from Mr. “money money money”. Kakuzu’s crazy obsession with compensation was out of control. He had forced you to pay for every meal out of pocket. He never stopped for anything that did not fill his coffers. Breaks were nonexistent and all missions were more like a death march than an assignment. He even tried to squeeze you both into one room to save money. You almost took him up on it, he was extremely good looking for an ancient zombie freak, but you drew the line to prevent further budget cuts. However, his latest attempt at procuring funds took the cake. You considered yourself fairly tolerant (above case with the heart excluded, bitch had it coming), but this was too much.

“He’s gone too far this time,” you grumbled, squeezing the heart like a stress ball. It spewed a trail of blood all down your legs and across the hall. Not bothering with the knob, you kicked the door in.



“Old man, we need to talk. NOW,” you demanded, kicking the door shut.

Through the darkness you could see his fluorescent green orbs. The only light in the room filtered in from outside. It was too weak for any normal person’s eyes to use. Yet, on he counted, not caring a button for that. Darkness was cheap, and Kakuzu liked it [2]. You had a strong suspicion the money he counted was rightfully yours, but chose to ignore it.

“I brought you a present,” you added, throwing the heart at his head.

Kakuzu caught it, not even looking up from his cash. “I don’t want your heart. It’s worthless.”


“It’s not mine, it belongs to a customer of yours,” you explained, leaning heavily on the door frame. Your frown should have terrified him, but it did not. Kakuzu’s impassive eyes glanced over at you.

“I take it he wasn’t satisfied?”

“He said he’s not going to pay. Guy’s a deadbeat,” you stated, matter of factly. Your glowing wit seemed to fall flat as Kakuzu continued to calculate.

“Did you perform poorly? I thought I set your price too high.”

Double ouch.

“No!” you spat. “He’s not going to pay because I gutted his ass!”

“You children waste too much energy on petty things. [3] If you keep doing that, someone will kill you,” he announced in a superior manner. From his haughty attitude, you realized you were now on the receiving end of some major age prejudice.

You could just picture the associations in his mind. You fit neatly in the age category with Hidan, Deidara, and Itachi [4]. So you were automatically associated with Hidan, the crazy masochistic zealot, Deidara, who could not get off without a “BOOM”, and Itachi, who was just plain creepy by all accounts. You groaned as you realized this was going to be a LONG conversation.

“So…” you started, sitting down on the floor. In vain, you tried to relieve some stress. Your fingernails found cracks in the floorboards and began to pick at them. “For the record, how much was I worth?”

“1,500 ryō an hour.” [5] Kakuzu stated, clearly not bothered at all by the concept of selling his partner for money.

“At least I didn’t do too bad.” [6]

“You’re young, no diseases and in mildly good physical condition. It was the going price.”

“I’ll bet,” you shot back. “You know, I think I’m taking this rather well for what you tried to do. Don’t you?”

You meant the previous statement with all truth. Though you had never broached the subject before, you strongly suspected that any reasonable person would have beaten the stitches out of tall, dark and eerie. However, your generosity was completely lost on Kakuzu. He continued to tally his earnings, unresponsive to your presence. Your eye twitched as the silence grew.

What a bastard.

“Oi… Kakuzu… you tried to sell me. The least you can do is answer my question.”

“It’s a rhetorical question and a waste of my time,” he responded, evening out a stack of coins. “Go away before I kill you.”

With that, you stood up and stomped across the room. Index finger at the ready, you prepared to give him the best lecture of his unfairly long life. Poisoned words hovered on the tip of your tongue as you opened your mouth. However, as you reached his bed side, Kakuzu stood up. It was then you realized just how tall six foot one was. Staring up at his patchwork face, you felt your anger curl up and die. Your mouth closed and you glowered at your own failure.

Okay, so you had a thing for green eyes. Big deal.

Well, maybe not just any green eyes. Kakuzu was different. For some unknown reason you felt ungodly attracted to the man. His shitty attitude, his condescending words, and his miserly behavior all drove you wild. Watching him every day, you knew that something was really wrong with you. What kind of girl hangs by a man’s every word, whether it is an observation or an insult? What kind of girl gets off on watching a patchwork geezer take a bath? It was not right. The man with those lime eyes had you bewitched and bothered all trip long, and you wanted to hate him for it.

Speaking of green eyes, his were focused directly on you now, commanding your full attention. You gulped seeing the rage seething beneath the glow. Under his scrutiny, you swiftly became aware of your mortality. You felt the scowl beneath his mask. A poisonous miasma of ire clouded the room, effectively suffocating any remaining traces of your self-importance. Your shoulders hunched, your head turned and you looked away, submitting to his dominance.

“Something you wanted to say?” he demanded, voice low and reeking of supremacy.

“Never mind…” you muttered, eyes on the floor. The knots of the planks returned your gaze blankly, echoing the empty defeat in your eyes.

“I thought not,” Kakuzu finished. You could feel him focused upon you, a brutal gaze burrowing into your skull. It nearly made you queasy in anxiousness. An overwhelming state of weakness consumed you, as every thought turned to survival. You knew you were no match for him in a fight. He was too old, too shrewd. What had been the strength of your partnership, his tactical knowledge, was also your greatest enemy. You did not want to die.

All at once the feelings dissipated. You looked up and noted that Kazuku had backed off. You watched him warily, ever mindful of his ability to dispatch you in a heartbeat. Well… five heartbeats as it were. Just as you began to ponder about the synchronization of five transplanted hearts, Kakuzu’s voice drew you out of your thoughts.

“Well, you did make a good sale. He paid upfront and didn’t even use the goods. I also got a heart out of it. Maybe I’ll partner with you more often.”

“Why? Because I’m profitable,” you snorted, choosing to ignore the “goods” comment. Long ago you learned that many things Kakuzu said were best forgotten. The only “reward” you saw for holding a grudge against Kakuzu was a painful death of endless agony.

“In a manner of speaking,” Kakuzu responded. You felt his presence draw near again. Looking up, you found him hovering directly over you. His grave countenance leaned down over your face. Startled, you attempted to pull back, only to find black tendrils wrapped around your left wrist. “At least you give me something to do.”

You thumped backwards as Kazuku pressed a masked face against yours. You attempted to push off the wall, but were halted by his hands on your shoulders. He pressed so hard that you felt your skull grinding into the paneling behind you. Thin lips, on the other side of the cotton, moved against yours clumsily.

Was the old codger seriously trying to kiss you?

After a few seconds, Kakuzu moved back. You took the opportunity to ask the question racing through your mind.

“What the hell was that all about?!” you demanded, still pinned against the wall. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

What do you mean?” Kakuzu asked, earthy tentacles creeping from his arms. They tore at the mask on his face, trying to remove it quickly. Their squirming weirded you out, but not enough to let this go.

“Were you trying to kiss me?” you asked in bewilderment.

“Shut up.” Kakuzu responded, smashing his face against yours again.

It wasn’t what people pictured in girlish fantasies. There were no lips of rose petals nor soft sweet words whispered in your ear. Kakuzu’s mouth (there was little, if anything you could call lips) felt more like wet sandpaper, dry patches of dead skin scraping at your face. The stitches on his cheeks felt like clods of dirt, rolled into long strands. They rubbed into your cheek, grating against it roughly. Rather than the gentle embrace of a lover, you had to settle for the feel of unfinished planks pulverizing your tail bone. Your shoulders felt sore from Kakuzu’s steel grip and loss of circulation. And yet, despite all the crap, this was what you wanted.

Okay, so there was no right reason to like some cheap bastard who was old enough to be your great great grandfather. In fact, all moral codes would have you as far away from this situation as possible. Kakuzu was robbing the cradle and you were sure as hell robbing the grave. Yet, all the taboo nature of the situation made up for the dry lips and pins and needles in your arms. A wave of feminine pride swept over you, as you realized you now qualified as jail bait. Tempting a much older, “wiser” man into sin was just what your ego craved

It was hot.

You felt a ticklish heat spreading from the pit of your stomach to your crotch. His skin, so close to you, reeked of mud and perspiration. A hint of burnt hair mingled with Kakuzu’s musky scent. It made your nose itch. Considering his rag doll appearance, you imagined him a bit softer. In reality, he was hard, toned and more like a boulder than a person. As he jerked away again, you found yourself clinging to his sleeveless shirt. You looked up at him, using every girlish instinct to make yourself into the irresistible Lolita you envisioned yourself as. Wide, doe-like eyes stared at Kazuku, as you decided to make your move.


“What?” he demanded gruffly.

“Do me.”

The room was silent except for the trumpeting of an elephant in the corner. [8]

“Offer rejected,” he ruled. Kakuzu’s hands dropped from your shoulders, as he turned to go back to bed. Your jaw hit the floor. From you past experiences, men rarely turned down sex. Someone as freaky as Kakuzu would have a hard time finding an offer, due to his sinister appearance. You strongly suspected you were the first female to put up with him in a VERY long time. It was unorthodox to be sure. As he began to gently rearrange his riches on the bedside table, you felt a wave of jealously that the cash was handled more tenderly than you were.

“Kakuzu! Stop blowing me off!” you barked. “You were all hot to trot a second ago. What the hell happened?!”

Only the clinking of coins could be heard.

Frustrated, you ripped off your shirt, flinging it across the room. The pants followed, though you nearly killed yourself trying to get out of them. Clad only in a bra and tiny pair of panties, you bounded across the room towards your prey. Kneeling in front of him, you wriggled up between his legs and looked up at him with a pout.

“Ka.Ku.Zu.” you punctuated every syllable, biting your lip cutely when he finally glanced at you.

“Please Kakuzu. I want you.” You nuzzled your head against his crotch like a trained sex kitten. His body stiffened and you felt his eyes upon you. Once again you had his full attention. “I want you…” you panted, hands gripping his legs tightly. You could feel the fabric of his slacks wrinkling under the pressure. “I need you bad, Kakuzu.”

Did something just squirm in his pants? God you hoped so.

“Pleeeeeeeeeeaaase…” you begged, breathlessly. Too far in to back out now, you continued to give him your best bedroom eyes. You may not have been the most enticing person to ever slide up his legs, but you would work with what you had. You rose slowly, thighs hoisting your body up to Kakuzu’s chest. Stomach and back muscles stretched as you pushed your chest into clear view. Leaning heavily on his legs, you parted your lips and stared him down. He was focused on you. Now that you had his rapt attention, it was the time to go in for the kill.

“Fuck me.” you commanded.

Dead stop. [9]

The room was beyond silent, making less noise than a television during a blackout. You could not feel your heart beating. The heavy breathes you took in anticipation ceased. Kakuzu did not move, nor appear to even be alive. As the seconds ticked on you could feel your pride drop like an anvil. After, three solid minutes with no response, you felt miserable. Clearly, Kakuzu was totally uninterested.

Holding back frustrated tears, you picked yourself up off the floor. As you stood, you felt your knees crack back into place. Kneeling on wood was hard, and it did nothing to improve your mood. Horny and rejected, you went to collect your clothing. You quietly slipped on your pants, not even bothering to zip them. You threw your shirt over your shoulder, planning to put it on later. The boards creaking sounded like devilish laughter to your wounded pride. You dejectedly made your way to the door. Having lost your first choice, you were contemplating a replacement when Kakuzu finally spoke up.

“Where are you going?” he interrogated, in his powerful baritone.

“Well,” you snapped. “Clearly you’re uninterested, so my plan was to find someone else.”

You looked over your shoulder at Kakuzu. He was stiff as a nail, sitting on the edge of his bed. His face wore the same stony expression, laced with hints of displeasure. You assumed most of it came from the fact that you were still there. However, you felt compelled to finish your explanation. It was the first time he’d ever started a conversation during the whole trip.

“I was thinking Kisame,” you added nonchalantly. “He seems pleasant enough for a shark man. I’m sure if I ask nicely, he’ll help me out.”

As you touched the door knob, a large ball of static energy cracked through your hand. You pulled away and shook your wrist to rid yourself of the pain. That was weird; it was too humid for static electricity to build up that strong. [10] You looked at your arm, only to notice the hairs standing on end. Shrugging it off, you continued with your speech.

“Anyway, if I leave now and hurry, I can make it to base before dawn.”


You felt the reverberations of the impact echoing through your skull. Sprawled on the floor, you realized you had been yanked over backwards. You swore your brain had just been rattled like a maraca. Gripping your head, you pushed yourself into a sitting position. Before you could even start cursing, you found yourself in someone’s shadow. Still sitting, you leaned back, bracing yourself on your arms. Neck stretched backwards as far as it would go, you found yourself staring right up at Kakuzu.

“You’re just going to get some other guy to fuck you?” he demanded. Lightning flashed outside, lighting his face with a deadly glow.

“So what if I was?” you spat back in frustration. “You don’t want to and I still need it. If you can’t finish the job then, whatever, I’ll find someone who will.”

Good sense was screaming at you to keep your cool. Getting upset was likely to trigger Kakuzu’s lethal rage. She had an excellent point. Kakuzu was definitely ‘most likely to disembowel somebody for looking at him the wrong way’ among all the Akatsuki. Given how nearly impossible he was to kill, combined with his immense powers, good sense said you should have been groveling at his feet to save your life.

However, with every single word your good sense whispered, you felt anger bubbling to the top. Why should you be the one to stay cool when Kakuzu is being an ass? Why did you have to take it whenever he behaved like a pissy twat? Good sense continued to yell, trying to convince you that your life was more important than your pride. However, thoroughly pissed, your anger impaled good sense on the spear of ‘tough shit’. From the bloody wake of good sense’s demise arose wrath.

Fuck Kakuzu, fuck your terrible taste in men, and fuck the world.

You were out of here.

Pushing off violently with your hands, you stomped towards the door. The floorboards fell silent as a ringing in your ears replaced all sounds. Your eyes stared ahead so viciously that you fully expected the door to crumple into ashes. As you touched the handle, another crack of static arced into your fingers. You did not even feel it through your fury. So, when Kakuzu’s hand grabbed your shoulder, it was in this state of mind that you decided to load all your chakra into your dominate arm and punch him.

Bad move.

“YOU BASTARD! LET ME GO!” you roared.

It would have been impressive, had you not been screaming into the floor. Forced into a submissive kneeling postion, your check was pressed to the ground with Kakuzu’s foot twisting into your face. You could feel the painful throb of your nose, grinding against the wood. Your arms were crossed behind your back, lashed together by cords from the Earth Grudge Fear. Your chest supported the vast majority of your body weight, making your lower back muscles stretch far more than they were intended too. Most humiliating of all, your butt was propped in the air like a child waiting for a spanking.

“That could have caused problems if it connected,” he commented. “But it didn’t. You wasted too much energy on nothing.”


“Maybe not. I suppose you can learn just as well from the consequences of your actions,” Kakuzu mused in his low baritone.

With little else to do, you could not help but laugh at your own stupidity. Kakuzu was right of course. So was good sense. You blew them both off and had blown all your chakra while at it. Helpless as you were hopeless, you gathered all your strength for one last insult.

“Fuck off and die, grave fodder,” you smirked, fully expecting death to be swift.


What the hell was that?

“For once in your life,” Kakuzu starts, pulling your pants down to your knees. “shut the hell up.”

“Ka-kakuzu?” questioned uncertainly. You could feel a sharp tug on your panties and a blast of cold air hit your heated cunt. You shivered as the chill spread up your body. “Kakuzu, what… what are you do- GUUWAHH! WHAT THE HELL?!”

The sudden prod from something pliable and wet took you by surprise. You felt it sawing back and forth between the top of your butt cheeks. The thought of Kakuzu’s cock that close to you sent a fiery throb through your clit.

“A-aaaHHHHEh! Ka-Kakuzu-” you gasped, unable to find enough air. “Wh-why now when you wouldn’t be-hEEHuuup- befor- ha-aah..”

There was no reply to your question. Unable to see from your current position, you found yourself confused and getting hornier by the second. Just the naughty idea of doing it doggy style had you going, let alone with Kakuzu. As you felt his hot head travel down and rub against your pussy, you began to pant violently.

“Kaku…zu… please… I need-haah- you…” you wheezed, trying to keep your head from swimming. In your awkward position you could feel a rug burn coming on your nose and cheek. Your neck felt stiff and you doubted it would get better if you continued like this. You needed to get up off the floor. “Can we… to-aAAHeh… the b-bed?”

“Why? Wouldn’t anyone do? You said you could find someone else.”

Damn it! Was he really going to play that game? Did you really have to stroke his ego to get some? As you felt Kakuzu pulling back, you realized that, yes, you had did.

“N-NO! Dam-n it Kakuzu! Y-you’re the one I want! They’re all sh-shit next to you. Pleeeeeeease… Please fuck me!” you begged. You meant every word. Kisame was all well and good, but Kakuzu was the one who got you going. You hastily realized that, no matter what, your sexual appetite would not be satiated until it was Kakuzu inside you.

There was a ten second pause. Kakuzu stayed so perfectly still that you knew he was going to push you away again or kill you. The latter would not have been so bad. At this point, you were already dying. However, the former would have been beyond hell. Luckily, you seemed to have appeased your sex god. Kakuzu grabbed you by the arms and swung you half onto the bed. Your head and torso were supported by the squealing mattress while your hips lay propped against it. Your pussy, which had gone from semi-tacky to sopping, was spread. Your face was still smashed into something, but at least you had some support for your back. You could feel Kakuzu clawing at your underwear.

“Why do women always wear tight clothing? It serves no purpose and is a nuisance to remove.” He growled.

“I don’t know Kakuzu, probably because it makes you hard just watching a fine ass like this saunter around in tight pants,” you sassed. You could see his face reflected in the window. The look on his face was thunderous.

“I’m going to kill you.”


“I know.”


“Damn women.”

Pants and panties successfully removed, you spread your legs wide, making yourself completely available. Air rushed in to fill the new space in your wide-open cunt. Its cool ticklish feeling almost made you cry. Kakuzu leaned over top of you, his hands clamped down on your pelvis, holding it in place. You felt his weight shift, bringing it to bear on your hips. His hard-on twitched against you. One hand removed itself and aligned him with your hole. You felt the tip press in just enough to keep it on track.

That was all the warning you had before Kakuzu thrust into you.

“OOOWWWW!” you shrieked. You spread your legs as much as you could trying to keep him from tearing you up inside. Your walls burned viciously thanks to his overzealous entrance. Desperately, you sucked in air, trying to dispel the pain. You felt his fingernails dig into your hips, pinching the skin painfully.

“Shut up woman, you’re ruining this!” he bellowed.

Obviously, the man had never read a romance novel in his life. His bedroom etiquette was deplorable. There was no caressing, no sweet talk and certainly no apologies. It seemed to think he was entitled to you just because you wanted him. Forget that. You were not going to take that from him.

“FUCK! That HURT you insensitive bitch!” you spat back. “I may not be a virgin but I’m not a fifty year whore either! [11]”

“Could have fooled me,” Kakuzu grunted, pulling out before thrusting in deeper this time.

“Bastard….” You winced, gritting your teeth.

Kakuzu’s pace picked up quickly. You could feel his hips slamming against your butt with each thrust. Though you were unable to draw much pleasure from the actual act itself, thank you Kakuzu for intravaginal Indian burn, your mind was able to bring a lucid picture of exactly what was going on to the forefront of your thoughts. You could see him, his pulsating cock pushing into your woman hood, mouth parted open. His eyes were, no doubt, mildly glazed over but still able to watch your body lurch forward with every push. You felt another ticklish twitch deep inside you.

Good. If you kept this up, the euphoria would block out the pain and you really could enjoy this.

You let your eyes clamp shut, focusing on the erotic noises that kept spilling from your mouth. You let each little gasp become more passionate. More needy. Your insides felt more constricted, almost as if they were clamping down. Now, each powerful thrust seemed to go deeper, rubbing against your super sensitive core. The twitches of your body became more pronounced. With a groan, you let yourself be taken away into the fantasy of it all.


Eyes wide open, you gasped for breath and clutched at your arms. That last blow had done something to you for sure. You felt like you had the wind knocked out of you. An electric jolt was dissipating from your mind when Kakuzu hit that same spot again.

“EhhHAHH!” you squealed, trying to catch your breath.

“Going to complain?” Kakuzu questioned sarcastically, stopping his assault. As if he cared.

“Nuuugh... Kakuzu! Don’t stop!” you moaned. Your vision danced in swirls of grey in front of you. You could almost see little stars, popping behind your eyeballs. “I-I need- AAAHHHHH….”

You were cut off by Kakuzu’s shoves resuming. The smell of sweat was heavy on his skin, mirroring the wet earth outside. The Earth Grudge Fear threads tightened around your arms as his breathing picked up. He leaned heavily on you now, barely able to keep himself up without your body. The thrusting grew more frantic. You winced in pain as each plunge rubbed up against your injured tissues.

No, No! Focus girl focus!

A little pain was not going to ruin this moment. You finally had badass Kakuzu on top of you. His rock hard cock was stuffing itself inside you. You were hot enough to tempt him into bed with just words and a look. Good God, the friction against your body was mind blowing! You could feel the sweat dripping down his legs, as it smeared itself all over you. His fingers clutched at your pelvis, clinging on for dear life and he wildly pounded you. Your face rubbed against the rough cotton, your hot young body being exploited by a horny old pervert.

Suddenly, Kakuzu came to a total halt.

“Kakuzu, what are you doing?!” you objected.

“You’re dry,” he observed. You growled, seriously pissed off that he would ruin the mood for something like that. However, as he pulled out, you realized he was not joking. Your body had ceased to produce lubrication and you felt horrendously sticky and arid. The process of him pulling out was blindingly painful. Your body clung to him, almost turning itself inside out as he slid backwards from your hole. When he totally removed himself from you, you felt very empty.

“Shit Kakuzu! Don’t pull out!”

“It feels terrible when it’s dry.”

“Well, then what do you want me to do about it!?” you inquired irately.

Kakuzu flipped you over onto your back very quickly. You “ooooofff”-ed as your arms were pinned under your torso. Your chest rose and fell in heavy pants as you attempted to gain composure. You could feel the threads of the Earth Grundge Fear unwinding from your arms. As they released, you moved your arms and began to rub them, trying to coax the circulation back. Just as you were starting to feel your hands again, Kakuzu grabbed your chin and lifted your face up. His calloused fingers forced you to stare directly into his eyes. You found yourself lost in a maze of jade.

“Touch yourself,” he commanded, his face solid as stone.


“My heart just skipped a beat. I hate you,” you muttered.

As your cold index finger brushed along the outside, you felt a splash of pleasure trickle through you. Tentatively, you began to rub against your folds. You were hit by two conflicting sensations, the icy feel of your finger on your clit and the fiery burn of hot flesh. You found yourself moistening up quickly, as small spasms rocked your lower body. Involuntarily, you shuddered.

“Spread your legs and go deeper.”

Face flushed from desire, you realized he was watching you. Your stomach twisted in excitement, making you nauseous. Over stimulated, a stitch of pain shot through your side. With a gulp, you spread your legs as far as they could go. You could feel muscles stretching, protesting the awkward position. Chilled air skirted across your most sensitive of areas as you pulled your skin to the side, exposing the outermost ring of muscle. With a deep, ragged breath you used three fingers to hold the skin while your index finger dipped into you. The texture of your insides was soft like gel, but lumpy. There were bumps and ridges all over, conforming to the new interloper. As you descended deeper in, flashes of pain sparked through you. Your body clamped tightly around the intruding finger, pulsing around it to the beat of your heart. Just then, you felt a rush of wet warmth, and realized you were no longer dry.

Wordlessly, Kakuzu pulled your hand out of your body. Your rosy face stared up at his, eyes locked on. Half mad with desire, you pushed yourself up and attacked. Your hand brushed away the left side of his head covering, exposing his right ear. Gently, you allowed your teeth to scrap both sides of his, suckling on the cartilage. In the background, you could hear air escaping your vagina, making an awful farting noise. Luckily, no one cared. Kakuzu’s hands clamped down on your back, holding you in place. A tiny “aahh” escaped his lips as you tugged on the peeling skin.

With that, you found yourself face first on the mattress again, arms at your sides and fists balled into the sheets. Kakuzu’s frozen fingers grasped your butt cheeks, pulling you wide apart. A lone digit slid softly on the slippery fluid you dripped. You could feel him pull away, a minuscule thread of precum breaking off his finger and decorating your inner thigh. His sandpaper rough finger returned quickly. It dipped into you, as if testing to make sure you were still there. You felt its delicious friction on your insides. Unconsciously, you shifted and squirmed, trying to get it deeper. Kakuzu’s finger pulled away as you started to squirm. At this, you frowned and gave an offended whimper of dissatisfaction.

Kakuzu grabbed your right arm and pulled it backwards. Forcefully, he wrapped it around the tip of his penis. Reading the signs, you rubbed against the top. Around him, you brought your fingers up to your thumb and gently squeezed downwards while twisting your wrist. Precum dribbled out of his head and coated your fingers like soap suds. A wet smack could be head each time you squeezed. Kakuzu groaned and twitched beneath your ministrations. Using his other hand he grasped your wrist and pushed your arm back to your side. His left hand gripped your hips as his right aligned his cock with you. Slowly, but certainly not gently, he pushed into you, spreading you wide.

“Gya-AAAHHH! KA-KAKUZU!” you gasped, feeling him sheathed fully inside you.

“Shut. UP!” Kakuzu ground out, hips bucking against you. Your eyes half closed as you spasmed from the intense sensations. Gripping the sheets tightly, your white knuckles felt like they would fall off.

“Unngh,” you moaned with every push. Your lips hung open, tongue lolled like some she-wolf. You felt drool dripping out of the corner of your mouth, smearing itself on the bed as you rocked back and forth.

As every second passed, Kakuzu’s motions became more frantic. Your face was blood red and you felt like your eyes would pop out of your head any second. Eyelids clamped shut you rode the typhoon of pleasure smashing into your brain. Each thrust knocked the wind out of you, leaving your lungs empty and stomach churning. You suddenly found it entirely impossible to breath. You obtained air in short, quick hiccups that followed on Kakuzu’s backwards movements. The impossibly primitive feel of sex drew you further into a state of euphoria, coxing you with musky scents and whining gasps deep into your primal urges.

“Ka-Kakuzu- I think I’m gonna- nnnnngggh!” You gasped, trying to spit the words out. The impossible pressure invaded all parts of your body, driving you onwards. Each thrust brought forth a heated contraction that sent you spiraling higher and higher into numbness. A ticklish urge, rather like the desire to pee, invaded you body, herding you into insanity.

With a battered yelp, you came crashing down, ears ringing.

Lying on the mattress, mind blow, you started to hear again. Kakuzu pounded into you for another minute of so before you felt his body stiffen and a warm viscous liquid spurted into you. He leaned against you heavily for a moment, as if trying to catch his breath. He panted evenly, as if he was trying to slow his hearts. Finally, he braced himself on your exhausted body, pushing off to lift himself away. Fully out of your euphoria, you lifted yourself onto the mattress, cuddling into Kakuzu’s pillow. A squeaky protest from the mattress and a shift in the springs told you that Kakuzu was seated next to you. You could hear his ragged breathing as he came down from the high alone.

After a few minutes, another creak from the decrepit springs told you he stood up. The coin bag jingled as he grabbed his money. You shook your head. The man took it everywhere with him. Weighty footsteps, unworthy of a ninja, clomped across the room. You knew he headed for the door. You sighed heavily, rolling into the dusty moth eaten pillow. You had not really expected him to hold you. Kakuzu was hardly the type.

“So, what now? Need to take a piss?” you inquired, not bothering to look up.

The rusty shriek of Kakuzu’s highly abused door was your only reply. You rolled your eyes at his macho inability to answer a question. Clearly, he was going to the bathroom. The man would not even acknowledge that you were right when it did not matter.

“1,100 a piece. Pay up,” he commanded from the door way. For half a second, you were mildly puzzled. What the hell was he talking about? You weren’t going to pay him for sex, especially not after he tried to sell you to some rat bastard. Bitch had another thing coming if he through your favor would turn him a profit.

A sudden chill racked your body when a new idea hit you.

He wasn’t talking to you.

You practically threw yourself off the bed, scrambling to look at that door. In the hallway, crammed around the doorframe, were seven men. They ranged in age from late twenties to early seventies, none of them particularly attractive. Kakuzu was collecting money from each one of them, counting it methodically as he went.

“Show great! She hot sister. Wish mine that good. ” one of them smiled, obviously foreign and unable to speak the language fluently. He then grinned at you, and gave you a thumbs up. It was then the fully reality of the situation hit you.

Kakuzu sold you again.

Just like the other one, these people thought you were Kakuzu’s sister. He must have planned on you killing the other guy and storming over her to give these asses a peep show. The old codger, no doubt, picked up on your feelings a long time ago. He knew that if he got you started, you would keep pushing him. The kiss was just enough to get you interested, while simultaneously making it look like “big brother” had slipped up and come on to his little sister. He manipulated you into playing the part of a wanton incestual sibling. Even his rejection had been fake, just enough to make it look like “big brother” had some morals that he would later ignore.

Mostly naked and pissed off, you stormed to Kakuzu in a volcanic rage.

“So, “brother”, did you even want me at all?” you growled, eyes lit with the fires of Vesuvius.

“No,” he replied, taking the last patron’s coins. All of the morons were still gathered in the hall, eying you up cheerfully.

“Why then? Why, if you didn’t even want me, did you do it?” you demanded, fists balled at your sides. You were absolutely quivering with fury.

Kakuzu turned to you, paying real attention to you for the first time that night. His chartreuse eyes locked on to yours, completely calm and dead serious. Despite yourself, you waited for his explanation, breath coming shallow and fast.

“I’d do anything for money.”

As he left the room, the bottom fell out of your stomach. Unable to speak, you sucked in the muggy air around you, mouth gaping like a trout. It wasn’t what Kakuzu said that hurt the most, but rather, what words were left unspoken. Their ethereal echoes danced around the room, like mischievous pixies.

“I’d do anything for money.”

Even you.

The rain outside pounded on, almost as if to cry tears for your folly. You saw another flash of lighting outside but heard no noise beyond the intense ringing in your ears. You felt uncomfortably hot and utterly humiliated. The only thing that drew you out of your introspection were the voices of Kakuzu’s voyeurs, still standing in the hall. You rounded on them, silently. Head cocked to the side and chakra mostly restored, your teeth gleamed in an evil sneer.

It was four thirty in the morning and a fuck ton of people were going to die. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

[1/2] Bet you’ll never look at Rice Crispies the same way again.

[1] In the Naruto Hiden: Sha no Sho Character Official Data Book, Masashi Kishimoto stated … that Akatsuki teams get two single rooms to sleep in.

[2] Ala “A Christmas Carol”

[3] Considering how old he is, you would be a child to him, despite your age.

[4] Ages 22, 19 and 21 respectively. So, I’m putting you around late teens to well into your 20’s.

[5] The Ryō (両) is the currency used in the Naruto world. In the Official Fan Book: Hiden: Hyō no Sho, Masashi Kishimoto gives an exchange rate of 10 yen to a ryō.” On 8/4/09, when I looked it up, the exchange rate was about 100 yen to 1 USD. Therefore, 10 ryō is about 1 USD. So, you were worth around $150/hr.

[6] Q: How much is an average escort (the kind) service for 1 hour? A: $50 for 45 minutes and $60 for an hour probably the cheapest you'll find.

[7] Guess what?! There is no seven. So, since I have you anyways I’m going to tell you nonsense about ME! Feel free to leave now. No, seriously, get on with your reading you silly goose. Skip to 8. XP All right, you asked for it. At this moment in time I am sitting at home, eating a teaspoon of butter pecan ice cream (the good stuff from Scwann’s), and cooking some Mrs. Weiss’ chicken noodle soup for lunch. My newly adopted 3 year old mutt, Hermes, is staring at me his little brown eyes, waiting me to share some of the ice cream with him. It won’t happen. He’ll get a piece of turkey instead, but only after he sits for five seconds. Good boy.

[8] Excerpt from Wikipedia: "Elephant in the room" (also "elephant in the corner") is an English idiom for an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed. It is based on the idea that an elephant in a room would be impossible to overlook; thus, people in the room who pretend the elephant is not there might be concerning themselves with relatively small and even irrelevant matters, compared to the looming big one. In your case, the elephant is anything from your partner status, to age. Also, from the voyeurs’ point of view, the “elephant in the room” is the incest taboo (which they believe despite the fact that you aren’t Kakuzu’s sister, obviously).

[9] ZOMBIE PUN WIN! There are more puns, but won’t list them all here as I’m probably annoying you. If you can find them all, post them in the review. I can’t remember how many there are. Six maybe? Who knows…

[10] Here are three ways good ways to dissipate static electricity on your clothing. 1. Sprinkle some water on them. Water’s ionic properties help dissipate static charges. This is why humidity decreases static and you see more static in the winter. The water in the air dissipates the charge, thus, static can’t really build up in humid weather. 2. Hold on to a metal faucet. The grounded faucet helps to discharge static by providing it with a place to go where there is limited resistance. (Metal pipes) 3. Rub an unused dryer sheet on your clothing. This is the longest lasting and it smells really nice!

[11] “Fifty year whore” meaning a woman who has been a prostitute for an extended period of time. She would have an adequately stretched vagina and need little preparation before sex.

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