"To Have Simply Loved" by Mai Blade

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Disclaimer: I no own. You no sue.

I FAIL at writing something happy for myself. Since Oct/18 I have been here for 3 years now, I think, so I wanted to write a happy anniversary gift for myself. I'm really into Lambo right now so I thought I'd write a happy Lambo X Reader.

And I failed. EPICALLY. DX This is not happy.

*sigh* Review.
~ Since you came along
My life has changed
I'm no longer insecure

“You’re different.”

You did a small double-take, blinking at your friend in surprise. “What do you mean?”

She shook her head slightly, smiling. “No, it’s nothing.” She looked up from her parfait to you. “It’s just you used to be really meek.”

Your eyebrow rose. “And I’m not anymore?”

She gently tapped her spoon against her lips for a moment. She pointed the spoon at you. “I’ve got it.” She grinned at you, eyes twinkling. “You’ve got a boyfriend.”

Your face flushed and you stabbed your own dessert with a fork. “I-I do not!”

She laughed, clapping her hands. “No use denying it!” She leaned over the table, as eager as a predator that smelled delicious prey. “Come on, what’s his name?”

Your blush remained on your face as you stared down at your dessert. Silence reigned at the small table as life went by the window. You lowered your head further, blush increasing in its intensity as his name left your lips in sweet, shy reverence.


~ You took away my pain
You showed me love
Like I never knew before

The floodgates opened and you bared your heart to your friend, speaking in the deeply enamored manner only first love is capable of bringing forth. You told her all about how you first met him.

You smiled dreamily. “He was crying, running away from something when he turned the corner and crashed into me.”

Your friend’s face became expressionless. He was a crybaby?

“We both fell to the ground and he couldn’t bring himself to get back up.” Your hands were clasped as you recalled that–now that it was in the past–magic moment of first encounter. “He trembled and then buried his face into my collar and cried as he grasped my shoulders for comfort.”

Your friend’s face morphed into disbelief. And you let him?

“I freaked out and threw him off.” You admitted sheepishly. “And then I called him a freak and ran away.”

Your friend’s face relaxed. Okay, so you weren’t totally incompetent.

You sighed, leaning your head to one-side. “We both completely forgot about that until a few days after we met again and started dating.”

“Wait,” your friend interrupted, holding up one hand. “You met again?”

“Yes,” you replied, stirring sugar into your tea. “We met at some party or other that his family was holding. My dad got invited because of someone’s recommendation. Mom couldn’t go so he took me instead.”

“And let me guess,” you friend said a little sarcastically. “You met up with him again and he was prince charming.”

You grinned, “Not a chance.”

~ And though nothing's perfect
Another year with you's been worth it
I thank god for you and me

Your friend blinked, thrown by your response, “Then what?”

You laughed. “He did this really awful dance as part of the entertainment. My god, I thought he was a freak!” Your stomach started hurting as you remembered. “He-he was oiled up and wearing this, this leaf-themed outfit and! And he started shaking these, what do you call them, rattles? Oh, god, and he started moving and!”

Your friend stared at you through half-mast eyes and you bent double over the table, crying into the linen. “He-he was singing really badly, saying ‘mambo’ and ‘ha-cha-cha’ and, and...!” You forced your laughter down, smiling into your hand. “And he was shaking his ass and moving his hips and it was really bad but I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I mean, I did pretend to, but I watched him from the corner of my eye.

“Afterwards I caught him by the punchbowl,” you continued, smiling widely. “I told him straight out that his dancing was really bad.”

“How did he take it?”

You grinned. “He took it all in stride. That’s part of what I like about him. He’s really laid-back about stuff.” You snickered, “Just don’t invite him to unleash his inner ‘party animal’.”

Your friend chuckled, setting aside her empty parfait glass. She picked up her drink and looked over the table at you. “So, how long have you two been dating?”

“Almost a year,” you replied, eyes drifting up as you thought about it. You nodded, “Yeah, about a year now.”

“Oh,” your friend said. She blinked. “I… guess you guys have… done it, then?”

You smiled and shook your head. “No. Lambo isn’t like that. I mean, sure, he’d like to, but he treats me really, really well.” You closed your eyes and thought of him fondly. “He says sex can wait. What we have now is something simple and clean. Something… wholly good and sweet…”

~ I believe in happily ever after ~

Lambo hummed away happily in the kitchen at the Vongola estate. He dipped a finger into the sweet batter and tasted it. He smiled in satisfaction and poured the batter into a heart-shaped pan.

“Oi, stupid cow,” Gokudera greeted upon spying him as he entered the kitchen. He strolled over to the fridge and fished a beverage out from it. Turning from the fridge he realized Lambo was up to something. “What the hell are you doing?”

Lambo glanced back at him for a moment before turning back to the task at hand. “I am baking.”

“What the hell for?”

Lambo beamed. “It’s my one year anniversary with my girlfriend~!”

Gokudera blinked. His drink paused half-way to his lips. He lowered it, brow furrowing as he processed that information… and failed. “Girlfriend? YOU?” The cow having fans for how he looked Gokudera could understand–barely–but a steady girl?

Lambo turned back to him, “Goodness. You didn’t know?” He smiled. “Yamamoto knew.”

Gokudera’s eye twitched. “Stupid cow, don’t get full of your self.” He drained his drink and tossed the empty container into the garbage, stalking out of the kitchen.

Lambo, having turned his full attention back to preparing food, did not notice.

~ There's no joy like the sound of your laughter
It seems that god has send me an angel to me

“Lambo,” you laughed, protesting as he held out a forkful of cake to your mouth. You saw that he wasn’t going to give up so you opened your mouth and allowed him to guide the cake in. You closed your eyes and hummed happily. “Mmm...”

Lambo stared as you savored the first bite of the cake he had made especially for you. A smile bloomed on his face as you opened your eyes to look at him. “You like?”

You leaned leant close to him and smiled softly, your lips millimeters apart as he blushed. “I like.”

~ And in your arms is where I always wanna be
Happy anniversary

You told your parents you were out with friends and one decided to take the fall for you and lie about your whereabouts should they be asked.

When he wasn’t needed no one kept particularly close tabs on Lambo. The Bovino family thought he was with the Vongola family. The Vongola family thought he was with the Bovino family.

So no one knew that you lay in each other’s arms that night. His cow-print pajama shirt was oddly comforting, a sign he didn’t need feel the need to be anyone other than himself around you. Your flowing nightdress was equally comforting to him. There was nothing sexual about it, just two young people content with whom they were and who they were with.

Your name escaped his lips in a sigh, tickling your hair, his embrace gentle and warm. You smiled softly and snuggled closer to him. “Lambo…”

You were torn from him the next day.

~ Happy anniversary~

“This has been the best day ever!” You hung onto his arm and rubbed your cheek against it affectionately.

Lambo laughed, “I’m glad you liked it, even though you spent most of the morning in bed.”

You stuck out your tongue up at him. “And who spent it with me?”

Lambo just laughed and pulled you closer, nuzzling his face into your hair. You smelled so good. He smiled into your hair, causing you to smile into his arm.

Your reality was abruptly ripped away as an explosion destroyed the street just feet in front of you, causing you both to crash backwards and land painfully on the cobbled street. Lambo coughed in the dust and called your name, reaching out for you as fear clutched his heart. What was happening?

Your voice came back to him, wavering and scared, “Lambo?”


Lambo cried out in pain as something heavy crashed into his chest, sending him rolling backwards and forcefully crashing into a wall. Air refused to enter his lungs and for a few moments, a few near fatal moments, he struggled to breathe. His lips were parted in an ‘o’, trying to suck much needed oxygen into his lungs.

“You are the youngest,” a cold voice stated.

Lambo stared up, drowning in mid-air. He did not know this person. Did they have a grudge against his family?

“You are the weakest,” the stranger continued. He spat to on Lambo’s face. “YOU will be made to pay for the sins of your older counterparts.”

Ah, someone who could not defeat the other Guardians, a small voice in his mind said calmly while the rest of his brain slowly shut down from lack of air. The small voice in his head paused as air finally rushed into his lungs and the strange man lifted a sword for the final blow.

…I am going to die.

~ Life has given us
The most amazing
And purest gift of love

You lay together in a bed cast with moonlight. His hand cupped your face and you smiled at him, illuminated by the moon’s soft glow. His heart swelled and he placed a gentle brush of lips against your forehead.

His lips softly ghosted your forehead and you smiled warmly at him, both of his eyes open and gazing at you with pure adoration. A faint blush came to your face and you averted your eyes. What was so special about you that he would look at you like that?

“Because you are you,” Lambo whispered.

Your eyes found his again. What did that mean?

“I love you because you are solely, uniquely, specially… you,” Lambo answered softly. He smiled and closed his eyes. “I didn’t know it was possible to love someone like this.”

You shifted closer to him and turned your head. You could hear his heart beating, a steady comforting sound.

“Without lust or desire…” Lambo concluded.

You turned your head up at him, frowning. “Don’t you want me?”

A sudden dark flush covered his face. “I do. In that hormonal teenage way, I want you.” The flush faded from his face and his eyes opened to meet yours. “But in a larger, purer way I just want to cherish you.” He clasped your hands. “I want to save you and make it special, to have it mean something on a level different from ‘just sex’.”

You stared at him. He sounded confused. He just said he did want you, only that he wanted to wait. Wait…? “Oh…”

Lambo placed his finger under your chin and beamed softly. “Will you marry me?”

~ On your darkest days
I'll be the light
To help you find your way

There was no sound as the blade pierced flesh, bone and organs. The only sound was a sharp splatter of blood followed by the steady drip-dripping of the same substance.


It was Vongola Decimo and Gokudera. Lambo trembled, choking on air once more. Pain was slow in coming but it was coming. His limbs twitched and his fingers reached out helplessly. Vongola Decimo and Gokudera paused in horror, Lambo’s own outstripping theirs combined.

“Lam… bo…” your fingers clutched the wall as you forced a smile on your lips. Blood slipped freely from your mouth and even more so from the wound around the sword in your back.

Lambo twitched as your blood fell down upon him in an unstopping flow. His shaking hands reached up towards your face, to wipe the blood away and make everything okay again. This wasn’t real. This was an illusion and Vongola Decimo and Gokudera would everything all right in the world again. You’d finish your date and he’d find a priest who’d marry you two together and he’d make love to you and–


You fell in his arms as the sword was pulled back and one last desperate attempt was made on the young Thunder Guardian’s life.

“NO MORE.” Vongola Decimo was there and the strange man was gone.

Lambo’s arms had automatically embraced you but his eyes were focused on the sky you had just been occupying.

Vongola Decimo burned orange and he repeated. “No. More.

~ And through the years
We'll keep on going
I'll love you till my final moments


Lambo gasped, blinking. His arms tightened their grip on your body, as though he could hold your soul there and you would not leave him, because he could feel it.

You were leaving him.

The first words out of his mouth were not a declaration of his love. They were words born of fear, fear of losing the most precious person to him forever. “Don’t go.”

You could feel him shaking. You wanted to stay. You wanted to stay and love him more. You wanted to stay and be his bride. You wanted to stay and bear his children, raise his family. You wanted to stay and see him smile, hear him laugh. You wanted to hold his children in your arms and love them.

You didn’t want to leave him. “…m…o…” I love you. I love you. I love you.

Your weak trembling hands clasped at him, tears falling from your eyes.

You didn’t want to go…!

“I love you,” Lambo wept, danger forgotten now that the most important thing to him was slipping away to where he could never reach. He held you tightly and cried. “I love you! Please, please, don’t leave me!”

Your hands fell away from him and utter darkness fell on his world.

~ Forever's meant for you and me ~

It was nearly two weeks before his eyes opened again. He was home, at the Vongola estate. Your family had buried your body and he had missed your funeral. The last chance to see you and he had missed it. There were no words for the darkness which oppressed him.

Vongola tried to help the young guardian. He was open to listening and Lambo wanted to talk… to just talk about you.

He talked about everything he could remember and maybe some things he made up. He talked about all your likes and dislikes he remembered. He talked about your laugh and your smile and the way you said his name. He talked about the way you made fun of him and teased him and asked him to dance for you. He talked about when you were sad and when you cried. He talked and talked about you.

You had been his first love.

“Don’t make your first your last,” had been Reborn’s callous reply.


Vongola Decimo blinked at his outburst.

Tears poured from Lambo’s eyes. Not tears of fear or cowardliness. Pain ripped at Lambo’s chest and was grinding his heart into pieces, suffocating him as his whole body trembled and shook. Those were tears of pure unbridled emotional pain, the kind that struck Lambo the hardest and worst of all.

“What do you know what it’s like to love someone, to just LOVE someone?! Not to lust after them or to want to imprison them or to make them yours and your alone, but to just LOVE them?!” Lambo’s voice cracked and a deep shudder ran through his body. All the fight seemed to suddenly drain out of him and he swayed on the spot. Tears cascaded down his face and his voice fell to a near whisper, all his bleeding feelings pouring out in a shattered broken tone. “I loved her. I loved her. She was…” A memory came to him, the only one that could possibly begin to convey how he felt. “A hundred times over… she was my Kyoko…”

Vongola Decimo caught Lambo as he fell. He stared at the broken youth in his arms. A long time ago he had loved a girl named Kyoko. He had just loved her. He had done everything for her sake, would have died for her sake. And because he loved her, though it tore him to pieces, he had let her go.

Tsuna closed his eyes. Where were the days when Lambo could be made happy with a piece of candy?

~ I believe in happily ever after ~

Lambo changed after that. He did not die as he thought he might, but he was never again that young man who had simply loved.

He spent a large part of his time training. He was no longer content to sit on the sidelines or to be a burden or to be a crybaby who was unable to protect anyone, would never be able to take that role again without wanting to die. He was the Thunder Guardian of the Vongola family, and everyone would know it. It was after the incident where he went back in time twenty years that he finally returned to the Vongola estate. Vongola Decimo welcomed him back with open arms.

Alone in his quarters, clean but just the way he’d left it, Lambo set down his jacket and stared out the window. If only he had been this powerful back then, maybe, maybe…

~ There's no joy like the sound of your laughter ~

Lambo turned away from the window and went to the closet. Because they were the only copies he had he had left them behind, asking Vongola Decimo to not allow anyone to rummage through them or throw them out. That envelope and that video, the only reminders he had…

During the time he had been gone your voice had all but faded from his memory. He needed a reminder and he had one. He connected his old camera to the television and pressed play. The morning after your first anniversary came on and Lambo stared at the screen, wishing with all his heart that he might just reach in and pull you through the screen into his arms again.

Of course he cannot.

And so he watches.

~ It seems that god has send me an angel to me
And in your arms is where I always wanna be

“Lambo, turn that off,” you complained, voice muffled by a pillow.

“But you look so cute in the morning,” Lambo’s younger self protested, invisible from the camera angle because he was carrying it as he filmed you.

“Lambo, turn it off,” you grumbled, throwing a pillow at him. It hit the camera and there was a soft exclamation of pain. You buried your head in another pillow for a moment before lifting it to look back at him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Lambo said. “Goodness… that’s some arm you have. Maybe you ought to get to know Yamamoto-san…”

You sat up and sighed, stretching your arms. You scowled sleepily at the camera. “Lambo, why are you recording me?”

“Because I’ve realized I don’t have any other recording of your voice,” younger Lambo replied, zooming in on your disheveled appearance. “My, my… you’re very cute first thing in the morning. I like how your hair is all messy.”

You laughed, “Lambo, please.”

“Goodness, you don’t believe me?” Lambo set down the camera, peering into it as he adjusted it before going over to the bed and pulling you close to him. He smiled at you and enclosed you in an embrace. “One of my favorite things is to see you first thing in the morning.”

You rolled your eyes and fell backwards into bed, dragging him with you.

“Goodness…” Lambo sat back up and pulled you further into bed. He smiled down at you. “I guess getting up can wait.”

His younger self stared down at you. He watched as your chest rose and fell softly. He smiled and lied back down. Eventually his breathing rhythm matched yours and the camera continued recording the two sleeping young people until the film ran out.

~ Happy anniversary ~

It was strange. In all the time you had been dating, in all the time you had been together, he had not ten photographs of you. He counted seven. The first was of you and him that time you’d met at his family’s party. He was shiny and still wearing his costume and you were wearing a formal dress. The shot had been candid, taken with you both unawares, and someone had given it to him after… after you were gone.

The second was a school picture, given to him by your family. You were wearing a private girl’s school uniform.

The third was of you and him near a canal. He was sitting on a wall and had you between his legs and arms, trapped in his embrace. A stranger had been convinced to take the photo.

The fourth was of just you, sleeping. You were curled up, hair splayed out and fast asleep. He had been charmed by the image and taken your picture without your permission.

The fifth was of you both, sitting on a couch. If he recalled correctly Gokudera said something about his sister and her old boyfriend Romeo being in an almost the exact same pose.

The sixth was taken from arm’s length, the both of you staring up at the camera. He remembered hearing you say he’d never get a good picture at that length. He remembered saying he didn’t care, he just wanted to catch you smiling.

The last photo was of you, taken the same day as the sixth. He remembered that moment. You had run ahead and he trailed behind, camera hanging around his neck. He had decided to take another picture and raised the camera. You had turned back.

Laughing his name you had reached your hand out towards him.



~Happy anniversary ~
Closing Phrase:

Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands. Sometimes we make love with our bodies. Always we make love with our hearts.

-Author Unknown

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