Join Date: 11/12/10
Last Logged In: 05/24/13
****filling up empty space****
~Witty Quotes~ (Or at least, thought witty by me...
"Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake."- Napoleon Bonaparte
"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."- Mark Twain
You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same.
We're only young once, but with humor we can be immature forever.
If you're going to get into trouble for hitting someone, you might as well do it hard.
After a game, the king and the pawn go in the same box.
If all is not lost, where is it?
Sarcasm- the chosen weapon.
If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience..
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
If we quit voting, will they all go away?
Procrastinators unite tomorrow, bad spellers untie today.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.
Just remember... if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
There is definitely no 'a' in definite.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
When life hands you lemons, throw them at people.
Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you'll be a mile away and you'll have their shoes.
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hope it's not a train...
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a collage education.
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.
Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse.
If you hit a pony over the nose at the outset of your acquaintance, he may not love you, but he will take a deep interest in your movements ever after wards.
Youth has been a habit of mine for so long, I can't seem to get rid of it.
He may look like an idiot, and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. Deep inside, he really is an idiot.
~19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity~
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Drugs".
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".
8. dont use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."